Tuesday, February 1, 2011

On death and dealing with it —
Yesterday I noticed a journal post from an acquaintance whose father died back in September. He's going through the typical nonsense of having to do everything himself and facing off with deadbeat family. I wrote the following:

Being the only person willing to stand up and take responsibility makes it hurt a lot more. It reveals who your friends are, and your family are almost NEVER your friends. I've been through this more than once, and unfortunately it doesn't get easier. But we survive.

I'm not going to give you the same old nonsense about how it "makes us stronger" and we need to "heal," blah, blah, blah. I say KICK ASS AND TAKE NAMES. When you're alone and things need to get done, DO THEM. Don't ask for permission and don't wait for approval. You'll never get them. And when the relatives who should have been standing beside you try to complain, tell them to go straight to hell. When I look back at my tragedies, the only regrets I have are about the actions I DIDN'T take. So take those actions and don't look back.

The people I admire most are the ones who have the strength to sever relationships that suck them dry. I've seen so many good, talented people driven to despair by friends and relatives who can't or won't do anything for themselves and take advantage of the good nature of a caring soul who can't bear to be alone. Well, BEAR IT. You will find that without the burdens of bad relationships, even if you're completely alone, you'll feel FREE. And that will allow you to grow CONTENT.

A decade ago, I did something that turned out to be the most positive thing I could have done. I made a point to spend time with people I like (or at least could TOLERATE) at least 2 or 3 times a week. It didn't matter WHO they were or WHAT kind of relationship I had with them, it only mattered that I was out and socializing. You don't need constant joy. Reducing the number of hair-pulling days gets the job done.

I agree, the universe DOES give us more than we can handle, but only because "the universe" is not a caring, feeling thing. We ARE, and we show it by dealing with it.


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