Monday, May 24, 2010

Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland —
I deliberately avoided this movie when it first came out because I can't stand Tim Burton's films, and I'm seriously bored with this whole "dark bad-ass update of a fairytale" idea. No, really, I'm sick of it. It's old. It doesn't work.

But then I read that this was Burton's highest-grossing film AND the highest-grossing of 2010 so far. Really? REALLY?? Okay, so I had to see WHY. And I wasn't at all surprised. It's just another bad, aimless Tim Burton film. WHY do people like this shit? WHY does Burton have a reputation as a great director?? The last Burton film I enjoyed was Beetlejuice, for Christ sake. (No, wait, I liked Ed Wood.) And I think, hands down, his BEST film is Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. Yeah, that's right, his FIRST! It's been downhill for me ever since.

There are a lot of problems with re-writing or updating children's stories, and Alice is the WORST choice. The Alice stories have NO plot, NO moral, NO conflict resolution and NO character development. Anyone who wants to update or adapt them has to INVENT it all, and it fails every time. The idea that the Cheshire Cat or the Mad Hatter would ally themselves to a cause or share ANY motivations with ANYONE for ANY reason is enough to shout "FAIL!" Every character in Alice exists only as a pun or just to look silly. They are one-dimensional. They are JOKES. Burton fails to make them sympathetic, just like everybody fails when they try it.

And Burton does one thing in particular that really peeves me. Listen, Tim... (deep breath) ...the Queen of Hearts and the Red Queen ARE NOT THE SAME CHARACTER!!!!!!!! They don't even appear in the SAME BOOK! JEEZ!!!

...and then there's all the typical Burton complaints: too much CGI, no color, unlikeable characters, over-done music, wasted talent, poor ending and (all together now) HELENA BONHAM CARTER!!!!



  1. Sometimes I think I'm the only one who feels this way! You hit the nail on the head. While I like some old Burton movies, everything for the past 10 years feels like a Burton, Depp and Elfman w@nkfest.

  2. He hasn't made a good movie in eons. He has a good vision but can't execute.

    I think his movies do well since they look so appealing in advertisements - he has a style of "gritty/edgy" that feels like something from the early 90's but boxed up and sold for the current generation of movie goers.

  3. I like the idea of this whole "dark badass version of a fairytale." Generally because many fairytales were really dark to begin with. Take The Little Mermaid, where the every step the mermaid took felt like stepping on knives, and where the prince didn't choose her. A little different from the sugary version Disney came up with. Even the Brothers Grimm sugared the stories up somewhat.

    Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland fails for me for a different reason - the story was crazier to begin with. Tim Burton, American McGee, Zenoscope, and several others.

    Then again, it's not something that gets me riled up. It's guilty pleasures at worst. Nothing worse than enjoying watching sexy versions of various heroines, which, after all, is why we (or at least I) came to your blog. Not everything has to provide intellectual stimulation.

  4. I understand what 'Anonymous' means in a way; sometimes you know it's not going to be something groundbreaking in a certain field but hell, you just watch it for what it is & you could enjoy it for that.

    As for the Darkness thing, i've always thought of Burton as a guy who does regular movies & stories, it just happens to be set in the same Dreamscape Alkaline Trio's matt Skiba likes to visit; as in "Looks like something that should be in your nightmares, but contentwise, same old stuff".

    Even when i watched Ed Wood. Besides Johnny's freaky grinning throughout almost the whole movie (Lol: Good freaky btw), it was just a movie about a guy who just wanted to be a movie maker and once the dream was within reach, he didn't give a crap about how he got it, he just wanted to grab it one way or another.

    (Phew) o.k, rant over :)